A Day Late and A Dollar Short

The above comment is the story of my life.  Always missing opportunities, or perks and hearing about how great they were later.  This has taught me to be more observant and take those opportunities when they are presented instead of analyzing the crap out of information untill I talk my self out of whatever it was I was considering.  Or letting others talk me out of "crazy" ideas.

I was watching "Ice Loves Coco" on TV (great show  by the way, but I feel bad for how they portray her, Im sure she is much smarter and deeper than that, you can tell by looking at her)  I was struck by the story he told at a speaking he was doing at a college, about the priest and the flood.  I have heard it before, but to hear it again struck a cord that it had missed in the past.  To sum it up for those of you who have not heard it;  A priest is standing in flood water to his knees and a boat comes by to rescue him and he says no, the lord will save him.  This happens 2 more times while the water still rises and he turns it down.  The water passes his head and he drowned.  When he got to heaven, he asked god why he let him drown, and god said " I sent you three boats!!!" 

So, on to the point of this post.  The past few weeks I have noticed a huge increase in the ammount of information available about Psoriasis and related issues.  Tonight on MSN there was a link to a ton of information! (http://health-tools.health.msn.com/psoriasis/site-map heres the link for anyone that wants to check it out)    The information on the link was great.  It was a little basic but it was a good start.  I have to admit, I was very angry when I first read it.  I cried and threw a fit.  After a little reflection (and looks from my hubby) I realized why I had that reaction.  Im jealous.  I know it sounds petty, but I am petty sometimes.  Im not proud of it, but Im human, and I know alot of people who are petty sometimes. 

I am jealous because there were so many good articals;  how to apply make up, how to date, how to dress, tons of information.  Where was all this stuff when I was a young girl??  Why did I have to figure all this crap out on my own???  Now that Im already married, and some what content with my skin and am already an expert in dressing to hide the sores the articals come flowing out.  Well, I am glad they are here, they are doing the same thing I intended when I started this blog. To help other people that dont already know what I know. 

One thing I will say, as an observation of mine, whether im correct or not, is  I think all these articals, the ones on MSN and everywhere else are a result of the drug companies.  Have you seen the "psoriasis speaks" campaign comercials??  They are realistic for the insecure person.  For someone like me who has accepted my situation, and learned to deal with it, im a little offended because they make it seem like people who have this should be ashamed and self concious.  They are bringing more attention to the disease because they now have a product they can sell and make a profit.   These articals for the most part were common sense advice.  Dont wear dark shirts if your scalp is flaking!  Wear long sleeves if you dont want to have to explain to every Tom Dick and Harry what is all over your arms.  So obviously im still a little bitter, but I am glad for the young girls and boys that will not have to go through what I did.  I am also greatful there is medicine out there that can now stop or slow down the progression.  Now if I could just get medical insurance to pay the arm and leg the drug companies want for this stuff.  

In a Funk

Well,  not a whole lot has been going on here.  So I have not written in a while because I did not have much to say.  I went to my family Dr to ask for the medical marijuana recomendation and he said no, he only refers his cancer patients for medical marijuana.  He said its because he dosent have to worry about his cancer patients becoming addicted.  But.... he did increase my Oxycontin dose.   I have no Idea.  I would have much rather tried the medical marijuana and took my chances with "addiction" to pot than keep taking these "hillbilly heroin" tablets.  He did some bloodwork as well to see whats going on with the weight loss. 

I got a call to come in and discuss my bloodwork.  That is a call that will make your blood freeze.  Normally they just call and say everything is fine.  So I make the appointment, and wait biteing my nails and churning my stomach untill the appointment.  Im in the room waiting, the Dr comes in and says. Hi what can I do for you today, and I said, well, waving the card about bloodwork at him and said you tell me. 

He then looks at his notes and says "ohhhhhh,  well I was going over your bloodwork, and you have some real high levels that indicate inflamation.  I was concerned and wanted to ask if anyone has ever talked to you about arthritis"  My Jaw dropped. "Are you serious!!!!!!" I snapped.  He has been my Dr for 5 years!!!  so I proceeded to show him my disfigured swollen fingers, my scab covered skin and remind him he is the one that put me on 15mg of oxycontin 4 times a day for pain.   It took everything I had not to cry.  He obviously remembered me after that, and probally felt like and ass.  And as if he was doing me a favor, he said, I will not charge you for todays visit, I cant do that all the time, but I know you pay cash and they get expensive, so i will cut you a break today.  Really??!!! Thanks, if you were going to try to charge me, I would have exploded and hit the roof

I have an appointment later in June to see my specialist, I will talk to her about the medical marijuana recomendation.  She might be more receptive if for no other reason to get me off the oxy.  I might have to do a stint in rehab though.  If I do not take them on a fairly regular basis, I do get real bad withdrawl symptoms.  I just dont want to have a heart attack or something.

I also after about 2 years of working on it have gotten my hearing infront of an administrative law judge to try once again to get on permenant disibility.   I hope i can get it this time, I really could use the medical benefits.   If I can get the approval, I can subscribe to state retirement benefits for about $100 a month as opposed to the $700 I cannot afford lol.  Plus they have no preexisting conditions clause, so as soon as they have open enrollment, I can sign up and start my meds as soon as possible!!  I will keep everyone posted on that, It is not untill late July.  The hearing.

That is all for now, and as always, Thank you for your interest and checking in!!